Sage and Lilacs
by Sailor Panda
Summary: Reality bleeds into dreams. Dreams bleed into reality. Nothing is understood. Nothing can be trusted least of all herself.


AUTHOR'S NOTES: Another one-shot. It's weird. I was sick when I wrote this so that's probably why. Still, I like it, even when I read it over again after I got better. But it's weird. Nothing graphic, and you'll all probably figure out what's going on by the middle of the thing but that's okay because we're all intelligent people and that's what's supposed to happen. And if it leaves you with a lot of unanswered questions that make your head hurt, don't worry. That's supposed to happen too.

Oh, and did I mention the weird part of this?

oOoOoOo

oOoOoOo

oOoOoOo

"But, Keiko, why?"

Incomprehension.

She saw it on his face, knew he didn't understand. She knew what he felt, she felt the same. She didn't understand it either, didn't want this, didn't know why she was doing it.

But she still did it anyway.

"I'm sorry, Yusuke. But it's over. I just can't do this anymore." She held out a small object, sparkling ice and gold. "I'm giving this back."

Angry and hurt, he stared at her, still disbelieving. He reached out to take it, then he paused and shook his head. When he stopped, his expression told her that he finally believed and he was still angry and hurt.

"Throw it away for all I care," he snarled, "just like you're doing with everything else."

Then he stormed off.

She watched him go.

oOoOoOo

"Come on, girlie. Play with us."

"I already said no."

"Don't be like that. It's not nice to tease. Right, boys?"

Several other voices, all male, added their agreement. Leering.

"See, girlie? It's unanimous. Now, let's go have us a bit of fun."

"No! Let go!"

"You heard her. Let go."

The last was said by a familiar voice and she knew she was safe. Relieved, she turned to look and caught a glimpse of vivid red and glittering green.

"Kurama-san!"

oOoOoOo

The day had been exhausting and she was tired and more than ready to give up reality in favor of blissful unconsciousness if it would let her forget, if only for a little while, the events that had made her feel this way. Feeling more than a little stressed, she lit a candle before bed, hoping she would at least find peace and relaxation in her dreams.

The scent of sage and lilacs filled the air.

oOoOoOo

"Yusuke! Where have you been?"

"As if you didn't know."

"Know what? I've been looking all over for you."

"Yeah, right. What do you want now, Keiko? Come to hit me with fists this time instead of words?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come off it! How can you pretend like nothing happened? After what you did?"

"What I did? Yusuke, what happened?"

"Forget it. Just forget it.

"But-"

"No! I don't need this. I don't need anyone in my life that plays games like this. Stay away and don't come near me anymore."

Hurt and bewildered, she grabbed for his arm to hold him there, but he shook her off, turning his back on her as he walked away. He never looked back and inside her chest, her heart cracked, broke, and bled.

And she didn't know why.

oOoOoOo

She hunted.

They ran.

She smelled fear. She felt the wind flow through her fur, the earth pound beneath her paws, the grass crushed against her weight. She was a creature of the night, she made no sound. She was a hunter and they were her prey, they were meant to be brought down.

She brought them down.

She heard their screams, felt their flesh tear. She tasted blood, she tasted meat. It was warm, it was wet, it was fresh.

It was good.

oOoOoOo

In bed, she tossed and turned, restless.

She lay on her side. But that wasn't quite right so she shifted, splaying face down across the cool expanse of her bed. Still not content, she rolled onto her back, an arm flung over her eyes, one thought plaguing her mind.

She needed more candles.

oOoOoOo

It was Sunday morning; she was tired.

She needed coffee.

Dark liquid poured, sloshing in a ceramic mug painted a bright cheery blue. Cupping the treasure, she nestled into her favorite seat on the couch. A flick of a button and sound spilled forth, moving images flickered in a well-known pattern.

She knew this routine and sipped her wet black while she let it play.

"…a park in Todoroki Valley where three men died, apparently mauled to death by a wild animal. Police have identified the bodies as belonging to these men. However…"

Several faces flashed across the screen. One, two, three.

Familiar.

Ceramic slipped and shattered, breaking and splintering like so many broken dreams.

Dark liquid stained the floor.

oOoOoOo

She stepped out of the candle shop when she saw them.

"Yusuke…"

The name was no more than a whisper on her lips, unheard by anyone but her. He was across the street in front of another store, talking with a pretty girl. He glanced up, caught her gaze. Then he wrapped his arm around the pretty girl, pulled her close, and the two of them walked away.

"Keiko-chan?"

She turned. It was that familiar voice again.

"What's wrong?"

She watched as those handsome features of his flickered with alarm. A warm hand came up, gentle in touch and caressed her cheek. It was only when he pulled back, skin glistening and wet, that she realized she was crying.

"It's okay. You can tell me anything."

The comforting words were accompanied by equally comforting arms that wrapped around her and drew her close into his warmth. She resisted at first, but it was just too tempting and she let herself relax against him as she cried.

He always seemed to be rescuing her.

oOoOoOo

"Thanks for walking me home, Kurama-san. And for letting me cry all over you."

"You're welcome. On both counts."

"I'm sorry for taking up your day."

"Don't mention it. I meant what I said. You can tell me anything."

She thought of her dream, the morning's news. She was tempted, wanted to give in. But it would be awkward so she held back, resisted.

"It's okay, Keiko-chan. It doesn't have to be now."

She smiled at him.

She liked that he understood her.

oOoOoOo

Feeling pleased and more content than she'd been for a while, she thought of a certain friend who was turning out to be more than what she'd first thought him to be. Thoughts preoccupied as she slipped into bed, she forgot to light a candle.

There were no dreams.

oOoOoOo

"Kurama-san, do you think I could have killed those guys?"

They were sitting by the window inside a café. The temptation had proven too much and she was grateful that he'd agreed to meet with her to discuss what was bothering her. She felt silly asking such a question, but she needed to know and the shocked expression on his face was immensely reassuring.

"Of course not! Keiko-chan, you'd be the last person to sink to that level of violence."

"But…those dreams…"

"We'll it's certainly strange, but it could just as easily have been the result of something you ate that didn't agree with you. It's probably just a coincidence."

"But what if I'm really dangerous? What if I end up hurting you next?"

"That will never happen. You'd never hurt me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you're not the type to hurt anyone if you can help it. And you forget what I am. I'm almost impossible to kill."

"I just hope that I don't wind up being the one to test that theory."

"Believe me, you won't. Whatever's happening, it's not your fault."

She wished she could completely believe that. But he was making the effort to reassure her so she pretended that she did. She smiled at him and sighed.

"I always feel like I'm imposing on you."

"Keiko-chan, I've told you before – you can come to me for anything. We're friends. In fact-"

"Well, now. Isn't this a surprise?"

They both turned to this newest speaker, an unexpected interruption in an all too familiar and painful package. Especially for her.

"Yusuke…"

"I guess I see now why you did it, Keiko. After all, seeing the two of you hanging out together was never a common sight, was it?"

She didn't understand anymore than she had before.

"Don't give me that look. Innocence doesn't fit on you. Not anymore. And especially not now."

"Yusuke, she doesn't deserve that."

"Shut up, fox. What do you know?"

"I know _her_."

"Yeah. Yeah, I suppose you do if this cozy scene is anything to go by. I don't even know why I bothered coming in here. Well, you know what? You're welcome to her. Good luck. You're going to need it."

He was already turned and walking away when she finally found her voice. She didn't understand, didn't know why, but she still tried even if it was already too late.

"Yusuke! Wait!"

He never stopped. And then he was gone.

Shocked, she was hurt all over again. And she didn't know what to do.

"Keiko-chan?"

At the concern in that questioning tone, she looked up into eyes clouded a worried green. Knowing she was the source, she tried to force a smile but even that attempt was too much.

"I'm sorry, Kurama-san."

"There's no need for apologies. You haven't done anything that calls for it."

"I'm - But Yusuke- I mean, I just don't understand. That other day I saw him with another girl. And yet he acts like I'm the one at fault. Did I really do something wrong that I can't remember?"

"There are other things it could be. Perhaps Yusuke is just going through a phase. Something in him could be reacting adversely to the wakening of his youkai blood. His lashing out at you could just be a side effect. Or there could be some other logical explanation."

Unfortunately, it didn't seem that he could think of any more logical explanations than she could. Disheartened, she could only be grateful for the small comfort offered from his reassuring words as she met his gaze. His eyes were green pools of compassion, warm kindness, and very much welcome.

"Don't worry, Keiko-chan. I'm sure it will all turn out alright in the end."

She just wished she could believe that.

oOoOoOo

She was tired; she was hungry. As she stumbled into her darkened apartment, food and rest were her only wants. Not necessarily in that order.

Ramen was good.

It was quick. In moments, the table held a steaming bowl. But it was too quiet. She didn't like it; it grated on her nerves.

A quick flick and it was taken care of. Sound filled the room.

"…police have found there was a survivor in the Todoroki Valley incident. A fourth victim who had, apparently, dragged himself away from the main scene and…"

A face flashed across the screen. Familiar.

"He looks like Yusuke."

He wasn't.

But he looked like him.

Or perhaps it was just that he was too much on her mind. Either way, the news that there was a survivor caused something to squeeze tight in her chest.

Images flickered; she couldn't tear her eyes away.

"…the survivor is currently in a coma residing in Jutendo Hospital…"

She heard nothing else. "Jutendo Hospital…"

On the table, her fists clenched.

The ramen grew cold.

oOoOoOo

That night, her thoughts were turbulent and troubled. Fire hissed as a candle was lit. She settled into bed, closed her eyes, and let the fragrance wash over her.

The scent of sage and lilacs filled the air.

oOoOoOo

The walls were high, but she didn't care.

Defying gravity, she climbed. Up, up, up she went.

Wind tore at her, the pull more harsh the higher she climbed. But she was stronger, more powerful, and the wind to her was no more than a baby's sigh in the night.

She stopped, scented the air. Gold eyes gleamed and she lunged. The air shattered around her and fell, only to shatter again below. But she didn't care.

She was hungry.

oOoOoOo

There were cuts on her hands and a funny taste in her mouth.

She blinked at the odd sight but her mind was blank; she couldn't think. It was morning and she yawned.

She needed coffee.

Dark liquid poured, sloshing in a ceramic mug painted this time in a sunny gold. Cupping the treasure, she nestled into her favorite seat on the couch. A flick of a button and sound spilled forth, moving images flickered in a well-known pattern.

She knew this routine and sipped her wet black while she let it play.

"…adding to the mystery of the Todoroki Valley incident as the surviving victim was found slain last night. The attacker forced its way from the outside through the window of the victim's hospital room located on the thirteenth floor and then proceeded to maul this man to death. Police are still…"

A face flashed across the screen. One.

Familiar.

Ceramic slipped and shattered, breaking and splintering like so many broken dreams.

Dark liquid stained the floor.

Feet pounded towards the bathroom just before the sounds of retching filled the air.

oOoOoOo

Her hands shook. So did her voice.

"Kurama-san, do you think I'm going crazy?"

"Of course not."

The response was instant. Her smile was forced, even if he couldn't see it. She gripped the receiver hard as she fought to not burst into tears over the phone.

"Keiko-chan, whatever else is going on, I'm positive that you're not to blame."

She sighed; it was not a happy sound.

"Alright, I'm coming over."

"No, don't. Please. It might not be safe for you around me."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm coming over. And I won't take 'no' for answer, not when you're so obviously still worried."

She shook her head, gave up. "Thanks."

"Just wait for me."

"Thanks," she repeated, this time with a relieved sigh. "If it weren't for you, I would have fallen to pieces. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, that's something you'll never have to find out. I'm sure there's an explanation for all of this and I won't abandon you to try and figure it out on your own. I'm here for you as long as you need me. Or, at least, I will be as soon as I actually get there."

Though she still wanted to cry, she smiled.

oOoOoOo

"I'm sorry that you had to do this, Kurama-san."

"Keiko-chan…"

"I know, I know. But you've already spent the entire day coddling my paranoia and me. Asking you to stay with me until I fall asleep is just…but I guess I really didn't want to be left alone."

"It's okay. I already told you that I don't mind. Really."

She saw his eyes flicker to her dresser, rows of different colors and scented candles lining the surface, some old and some new. Slightly embarrassed by the proof of her occasional girliness, she was grateful when he didn't say anything, merely turned back to her with that warm expression of gentle inquiry that she'd come to love.

She shrugged uncomfortably. "As you can see…I like candles. I burn them all the time. The candle shop in the Shibuya district has some of my favorites."

"What about these?"

She followed his eyes to a set of lavender colored candles. "Oh, those. I nearly always light one before going to bed. I never have trouble getting to sleep anymore since I started."

"I'm glad."

"It's amazing. What goes into them?"

"It's a special blend. Like other things, candles can be customized for a certain person or purpose."

"Well, no one knows plants like you do. Or scents either, I'm sure."

"Why, thank you. I always like being complimented on my senses."

She smiled. "I'm sorry you keep having to make those for me."

"I'm not. As long as you think they help, I'm more than happy with continuing to provide you with candle service."

She chuckled. "I'm glad you talked me into using them."

"Me, too."

He lit one of his candles for her and turned off the lights. As the scent wafted on the air, he sat on the edge of her bed and his words were no more than a soft murmur of sound.

"Now, go to sleep."

She didn't want to, was sure she didn't. She was feeling content, not sleepy, not really tired. She'd asked him to stay with her until she fell asleep so she didn't want to give in because then he'd leave. But there was something about his voice, something soothing and hard to resist and she found herself relaxing, obeying as her eyes slid closed and she fell into comforting darkness.

"Don't worry," Kurama murmured, emerald eyes gleaming gold in the darkness as he gently kissed the top of her head. "I'll always be with you."

The scent of sage and lilacs lingered in the air.

"Always…"


End file.
